I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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