i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
