Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
