Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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