Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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