I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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