i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
