the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
