Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
