I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
