i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
