Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
