My room smells like vodka and shame
You smell like stripper and shame
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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