Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
