THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
