so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How does one acquire holy water?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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