Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
