After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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