$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
