I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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