hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
