it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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