You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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