I cockslap morals
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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