I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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