I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
