Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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