i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
