you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
