it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
