We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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