kristin has been a bad kristin
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
