i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
