so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
