careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
