OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
