remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
