some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
