dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
