Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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