ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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