Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
