Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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