It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
