My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
