She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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