Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
