This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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