he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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