i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
