So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
