Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
