my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
