I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
